Making Honesty Possible

I often find myself looking for ways to form stronger connections with others. I personally view relationships as investments that only pay off if tended to for a long enough period of time. There are no real gains to be made from weak relationships. I recognize the strength of weak ties, but prefer to have a more tightly knit community around me to help me grow. The foundation of successful relationships is trust. Trust allows you to be yourself around someone and communicate freely with them without fear of judgment. Building trust is only possible through honest communication.

Honesty does not just mean telling the truth when questioned. I view honesty as a willingness to be transparent with someone despite possibly poor reception on their end. Nothing is more of a red flag in character than someone who treats you with kindness, but constantly wants to talk poorly of others with you. They are tempting you to join in on that behavior, and it’s only a matter of time before you become the subject of their animosity. It’s a sign that they are a fake person, and you should not look to have a relationship with someone like that.

It is impossible to establish trust with someone that is incapable of being honest. It’s very obvious to me when someone is trying to hide their feelings from me. If someone isn’t willing to be an open book around you, they are not the type of person you should invest your time and energy into. Someone who is afraid to speak their mind to you will begin to detach themselves from you over time, and your investment in them will eventually go to zero.

Without clear and honest communication, developing firm trust is impossible. Without this trust, you can’t actually get much out of a relationship. I believe that it is very difficult for some people to get over the fear of losing people due to how this communication may be perceived. Personally I feel that blatant honesty is a time saving hack that enables you to quickly decide whether or not someone is a good fit for you. I believe you should jump on every opportunity you can to show someone that you can be trusted. If someone you know has something stuck in their teeth or a booger in their nose, tell them. If you’re the type of person that is always willing to acknowledge the elephant in the room, others will be willing to put their trust into you. It can be quite difficult to put yourself in a position of perceived risk, but this behavior pays dividends over time.

Honesty is a long term approach. Trust compounds, and the temporary dips that stem from brutal honesty will resolve themselves if your intentions are pure. You can only pretend for so long, so why not save yourself some time and cut out the act?

I have found that people tend to respect someone for being straightforward. It’s a clear indication of self-esteem when you say what’s on your mind. It also offers you the opportunity to receive helpful feedback, and iterate on your actual beliefs. People generally have a stronger intuition than you might think. A fake person might think they have everyone else fooled, but others generally know your true nature. Because of my background, I tend to rely on obnoxious banter and stupid roasts to signal that I’m not a fake person. For some reason, it bothers me when I encounter someone who never says anything to me that I might be offended by. I want to grow, and I want to hear what people think about me. I would rather have someone deliberately seek for something negative to say to me, than act like they have nothing, and are too nice to hurt my feelings. Even if they are marginal, it’s natural to have judgements, and if you don’t communicate them to me I will just assume that you’re keeping them bottled in, or talking about me to someone else. Basically I’m saying that overly nice people get on my nerves, because I don’t feel like I can trust them.

Speak with efficiency and you will be seen as high value by others. You will attract those who can receive criticism, and they will be able to give it back to you. If you can both take it, and have each other’s best interest at heart, you can form a bond that will actually serve to benefit both of you. I’m not saying you should ever go out of your way to be a dick, but if you’re hiding your opinion from someone else because of how it might make them feel, you are doing them a disservice, and you are wasting your own time.

“Only see the truth when I’m staring in the mirror”

“You’re a fake, lying rat. I’m real. I wear it on my chest. There’s a gorilla on my chest and I wear it proud, mate. I don’t lie about nothing.”